I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
