I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
