I am puke
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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