I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
