I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
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at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
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I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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