Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize