i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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