This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
