She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
