Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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