My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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