Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize