please come you make the beer taste better
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
