I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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