I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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