im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
