My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
