I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
