i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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