The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
