I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
