just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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