I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
