my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
