my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
