I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
