you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
