it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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