it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
