I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
