I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
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I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
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Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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