Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
