Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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