Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
