I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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