i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
