I smell stomach acid.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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