airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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