thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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