I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
