I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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