My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
