my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
