I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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