I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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