I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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