Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
