I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
