i just wanna soil my oats bro
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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