im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
