walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
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He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
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WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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