is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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