I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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