the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
