Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
