Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
