so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
