Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
