tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
