can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
