Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
