you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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