I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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