i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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