Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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